Wednesday, October 16, 2002

DEC 6 2002

RICHLAND MOTHAF*CKIN' community COLLEGE....

DJhoracejacobs' TRIUMPHANT retaking of the STAGE. SPINNIN' WAX. Threadin' GROOVES. TURNIN' YO ASSES into STRAIGHT gelatin.

Y'all IS TO BE THERE.

Y'ALL IS to be there.

AUTOGRAPHS WILL BE SIGNED FOR A SMALL fee.

Tuesday, September 24, 2002

A'IGHT bitches n FOOS. HORACE been gettin' a LOT of steam on his NUTS from y'all wantin' the GOODS. Y'all be wantin' HORACE to update this BLOG. That's TIGHT, too. It make HORACE feel GOOD. Like a MAN should. WANTED, YO.

IZ COOL.

A'IGHT. Y'all probably be WANTIN' to know WHY ol' HORACE ain't been REGALIN' yo bitch asses with his ADVENTURES lately. That's tight. Here's why:

HORACE BEEN STRAIGHT LAID OUT IN THE HOSPITAL.

Damn Hyundai ELANTRA clipped HORACE in the leg. DAMN NEAR took that leg off.

SO, I was at the HOSPITAL for a GOOD 3 weeks. HOT ass nurses and shit. THAT WAS COOL.

And then, when NICK came and picked me up, I GOT ALL DOWN AND SHIT. ALL DOWN in the HEART. YOU FEEL THAT?

SEE, I'd been living THE GOOD LIFE. 3 meals a DAY. WARM BED. HOT NURSE's bathin' my ASS.

And what was I going home to?

A BARN, YO.

Nick's barn.

AND HORACE AIN'T SAYIN' HE AIN'T GRATEFUL. HORACE be grateful. It's just...y'know.

So, I ain't been GOIN' OUT too much here lately.

HORACE GOTSTA GET LAID.

A'IGHT. HORACE out. It felt GOOD to GET THESE THINGS OFF MY CHEST.

Oh, ONE MORE THING....NICK told me all this sissy shity about him and some HO what works at the GAP. I be like, FOO. FALL YO WHITE ASS IN TO THA GAP.

It was FUNNY.

HORACE BE CLEVER AS SHIT AT TIMES!

OUT.

Sunday, September 01, 2002

You know what's been gettin' HORACE down lately?

FEELINGS.

HORACE is a SENSITIVE man. But PEOPLE ain't be knowin that, right? So all the time HORACE gotta keep his FEELIN's on the INSIDE.

HORACE CRIES, YO.

Sunday, August 25, 2002

DAYUM.

NICK's new boss is off the HIZZY HOT.

Tuesday, August 20, 2002

HEY all HEY all be on the LOOKOUT for the record me and NICK STOLLE cut this summer...

IT'S SOME STRAIGHT UP WHITE BOY HIP HOP.

We HOLD our own...shit...

It's called "RETURN TO GALOPOGOS" and it's being released on BITCHbong Records.

BUY that SHIT!

HORACE OUT.

Saturday, August 17, 2002

BOOBS.

HEY. Number of broads HORACE done got IT on wit?

18.

NUMBER of satisfied CUZZ'MERS?

8.

HEY, I'M JUST bein' HONEST.

HONESTY is a VIRTUE.

HORACE OUT.

Tuesday, August 13, 2002

DAMN! NICK need's ta get LAID!

N'AAAAH! He needs to get BEUNED!
HORACE serious now. HORACE likes to FOOL around and have FUN and that COOL. BUT HORACE THINK IT TIME TO GET down TO BUSINESS NOW.

I give it AT YA straight...DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM GOTTA go.

I am sick of these poor little kids that can't TIE they own shoes or BLOW THEY own nose without their parent's help TRYIN' TO TEACH MY ASS ABOUT the damn DEWEY Decimal System everytime I go THE LIBRARY to look up what happened on GILMORE GIRLS on the damn internet.

SICK IT.

THESE kids think they so DAMN smart. THINK THEY smarter than HORACE. N'ah. N'ah. I SYA WE straight yank this INFORMATION FROM THEY! THERE is no place for the DDS in public schools. THESE kids are VERITABLE KILLING MACHINES with all this information at they FINGERTIPS. It gotta STOP.

KID wanna build a bomb?

DDS.

KID wanna find out how SERIAL KILLERS operate?

DDS.

KID wanna learn how to make a sandwich?

DDS.

I AIN'T DOWN FOR IT.

HORACE OUT, BUT HORACE AIN'T SATISFIED.